don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
