my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
