it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
