As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
