we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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