if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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