forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
