We need to rekindle our bromance
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
