a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
How naked do you want me to be?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
