She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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