How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize