I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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