Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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