We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
