my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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