just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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