We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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