I am puke
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
