I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
