so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
