I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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