his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
