Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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