my mouth tastes like poor choices
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
