i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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