she looked like the before picture.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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