Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
