I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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