girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
