the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
