Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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