i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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