if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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