So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
