we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
