the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
