its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Even my vagina gasped.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
