doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
