Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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