She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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