the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
