I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
