The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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