Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
