did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
