So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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