Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
