Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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