I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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