i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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