did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
