My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
