Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
