I'm lost and stupid without you.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
